


all the stars behind him

by xadia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Keith/Lance (Voltron), One Shot, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, pretty light on the angst but there's a little emotional angst, set during s7, surprise motherfucker Adam loves you, the paladins are going home and shiro doesn't think Adam will want him anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 14:33:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xadia/pseuds/xadia
Summary: He had seen more stars than he could ever count, but none compared to the sun of their home. He had left so many stars, planets, and galaxies behind, but not one could be as heart-achingly beautiful as the planet his eyes rested on.





	all the stars behind him

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this hot mess listening to Always by p!atd and crying my eyes out cause I'm stupid and gay and my heart hurts

They were going to go home. They were really going back, it was truly happening.

Shiro sat in his lion, his mind dissolving into a thoughtless daze as the Milky Way came into view. He heard the team's chatter cut off as they all saw the achingly familiar sight of their home galaxy, spread glittering over their horizon like a celestial lighthouse.

"We're home," Hunk breathed into his comms, breaking the silence with his hushed, awed whisper. "We're actually home."

Shiro saw the lions fall into line on either side of him, Red and Blue appearing on his right while Yellow and Green floated to his left. Shiro saw Pidge's cloak activate as Green dissolved into a gleaming, almost-invisible silhouette.

"No one move," Shiro ordered, hearing a disappointed groan from Pidge as Green started edging forward towards Earth. "We need to proceed slowly, we can't risk blowing by any Galra stationed here and lure them to Earth,."

The team grumbled into the comms, but none of the lions made any moves to fly forward.

"Let's go home, team," Shiro said, gently easing Black's throttle to set a careful pace for Earth, a small smile twisting his lips as he heard them cheer excitedly. He heard Krolia and the Alteans begin to ask questions about their galaxy, their excitement apparent in their voices, but the infectious enthusiasm couldn't sink into Shiro.

He felt his smile drop limply off his lips as he remembered the reason he couldn't make himself feel anything but dread about returning to earth.

*

The words came back to him, perfectly clear as the day they had been spoken four years ago, the ache they caused his heart still fresh and new.

_Kashi, how important am I to you?_

*

It had been a long, arduous, and terrifying journey filled with uncertainty and frayed nerves. The trip had been months of alternating between mind-numbing stretches of floating through space for days on end and then suddenly being thrust, unprepared, into a vicious battle.

There had been too many close calls, too many times when they had barely escaped by the skin of their teeth to limp on to the next leg of their journey. The team wasn't faring well, Shiro could tell by the way they snapped and fought with each other over the smallest thing.

They floated through a sluggishly-moving asteroid field, landing on the largest rocks and jumping off them for momentum to preserve their lions' energy. Lights and stars flashed by him in a daze as the team's excited chatter blurred to a background mumble in his helmet.

His mind kept flashing back and forth, windmilling frantically between different scenes from his past.

*

_Shiro stood, his uncomfortable cadet uniform hugging his shoulders too tightly as the desert sun beat down on him. A hoverbike rumbled lightly behind him, the engine still cooling from the race he had just lost._

_Barely lost. Just by a hair._

_His attention was fixed on the hoverbike parked a couple yards away, a tall, lithe figure still astride it despite the fact that they had crossed the finish before Shiro. He watched as the person lifted their motorcycle helmet off, caramel hair astray and blowing in the hot breeze._

_The man turned to face Shiro as he vaulted off his bike gracefully, sauntering over to meet him. He stuck out a hand, his dark skin glowing under the harsh sun. "Nice to meet you," the man said, his face spreading into a breathtaking grin. "I'm Adam."_

_Shiro took in Adam and his cool, effortless grace and windswept helmet hair and blindingly bright grin and sparkling eyes._

_Shiro's only thought was_ oh shit _as he stuck out his hand and felt his heart catch in his throat._

*

They were ten hours away from Earth.

Pidge had been radioing with the Garrison and her father for over an hour now, cementing plans of where to land and what to do and everything that would happen afterward. Shiro was prompted into planning and talking several times, being the leader of Voltron, but he did surprisingly little after the first couple of minutes of contact with the Garrison. 

This lack of something to do left him sitting in the long, awful stretches of silence with only his fast approaching home planet to keep his thoughts company.

*

_Shiro left the building, its grey walls looming behind his back like prison walls, a reminder that he would never be free from them._

_Adam's hand was clenched tightly in his own. Shiro wasn't sure who grabbed whose hand first. It didn't matter, the only thing that could possibly have any value in the world was the fact that Adam was going to be alone soon, and there was nothing anyone in the universe could do about it._

_He couldn't stand the thought of doing something like that to Adam._

_Adam stopped suddenly, halting in the middle of the sidewalk. Shiro stopped, too, looking around. They were away from the hospital, farther away than Shiro remembered walking._

_"Takashi," Adam said gently, his voice firm as he took Shiro's other hand in his own._

_Shiro looked at Adam, his face set in determination. "What is it?"_

_"Stop thinking so much. I know what that face looks like, it's your overthinking face. No more making it, okay?"_

_Shiro let out a weak chuckle. "Okay, Adam. No more overthinking, I promise."_

_Adam looked at him for a second and sighed. "Come on," he said, dropping one of Shiro's hands and gently tugging on the other._

_Shiro followed, confused, but matched Adam's brisk pace._

*

A crackle sounded across the comms as Pidge radioed in to tell them to be ready to leave their lions in ten minutes. Shiro heard Lance and Hunk burst into tears once they could make out the shape of Earth's continents. Pidge's voice got warbly and cracked every other word, while Keith remained unfazed, gently murmuring comforting things to Lance that Shiro couldn't quite make out.

The sight of it, so there and so close, brought the wave of memories back.

*

_Adam had brought them to the riverbank, something that made Shiro's heart ache. It was the place he went to when the world got too much and he needed a break, something Adam had obviously noticed. He turned to face Shiro, their boots sinking into the soft sand as they stood on the bank._

_"Kashi, it's going to be alright."_

_Shiro felt a part of his composure crumblr "But- it's not, really. I'm going to- to leave you, and Keith, and all our friends, and you're going to be mourning and it'll be my faul-"_

_He was cut off by the gentlest, sweetest kiss he had ever experienced. When Adam drew back, he looked, unwavering, into Shiro's eyes. "No more overthinking, right? Nothing good ever comes of it. You're not going to leave soon, you have years left. We can be a family. Hell, we even accidentally adopted a kid already. None of this is your fault. We have the opportunity to create a happy life while we still have the chance."_

_Shiro felt his eyes begin to sting at Adam's comforting words. "I don't know what I did to deserve you," he said, his voice rough._

_Adam grinned easily. "I don't know, either. Why would the universe ever make me fall in love with someone with such awful hair."_

_"Hey!" Shiro objected in mock protest. "I thought you liked it!" When Adam shook his head, still smiling softly, he said, "that's not what I remember you saying when you got drunk a couple weeks ago. What did you say? Oh yeah, that when you first saw me you just wanted to pet it."_

_Adam's eyes widened. "I said that? Shit, remind me never to get drunk again, I can't go spilling all the things I like about you. I'd never live it down."_

_Shiro laughed, his chest warm and full for the first time in a while. Being with Adam always did that to him. He took the loneliness and hopelessness away._

_"I don't know what I would do without you," Shiro said softly._

_"Then don't," Adam said simply. "Don't do without me."_

_"I'm sold. Seems like an easy thing to do."_

_Adam looked at Shiro for a long second, considering something._

_"What is it?" Shiro asked, recognizing the look Adam got in his eyes whenever he was about to do something brash and unplanned._

_"Marry me," Adam blurted out all the sudden, shocking Shiro. "I want to be able to be with you, to have us tied together by something more than just being boyfriends. We can really be a family, even if it is just for a couple years, we- we can-"_

_He was cut off by a long, sweet kiss that didn't end for a considerable amount of time._

*

Shiro felt the air flow over him, the air of Earth, his _home,_ and almost broke down right then. He felt his feet move, heavy, like the gravity of Earth had increased tenfold while they had been gone.

They were finally home.

He walked out, the sound of his feet thudding against the metal ramp below reverberating in his ears. The commotion of the clamoring crowd, the cameras flashing and news drones whirring overhead, the chaos of humanity washed over him, and for the first time in his life, he was heart-wrenchingly glad to have it.

"Black Paladin of Voltron, we welcome you. Please, follow me," a voice boomed. Shiro looked up to see Iverson walking towards him, an entourage of Garrison employees trailing behind him, all in their formal dress uniforms. 

He had to stop himself from scouring the crowd, forcing himself to not look through the Garrison workers, looking for _him._ No, they were done. Over. He was returning from a war with white hair, a new body, one less arm and scars covering him like a permanent plague, destined to haunt him to his doom. No, _he_ would never want Shiro back. They were over.

Iverson approached, the cameras training onto his face as he gave a confident smirk. "May I ask your identities? It is Garrison policy to record all interplanetary travels, so if you cannot do that then we simply cannot let you land on our planet." _Our_ planet. He had called Earth, the paladins' home, the place they had just spent four years waging vicious war to protect _theirs._ God, Shiro hated this man. 

Shiro smirked, knowing Iverson would be none-to-pleased to know their identities. "My pleasure," he said, lifting his helmet off. He tucked it under the crook of his elbow, plastering a smile filled with fake confidence to make up for his shaky knees. "My name is Takashi Shirogane, pilot to the Black Lion of Voltron, leader of Voltron and its Coalition, Champion of the Galra," he said, happily watching Iverson's face drop in shock. "I'm glad to be back home."

In the corner of his eyes he saw his paladins file on either side of him and take their helmets off, their faces stone-cold as the crowd roared and cameras flashed. Shiro felt a swell of pride as his team stared down Iverson, confidence and power radiating from them. 

"Shiro!" Iverson exclaimed, a fake smile spreading onto his face. "Shirogane, it's you! I can't begin to tell you how happy I am you're alive, this is a dream come true! Quickly, you must come with us. We must go through decontamination before anything spreads."

Shiro frowned, knowing fully well that decontamination wasn't necessary, only a stunt to stop embarrassing Iverson on international television. He waved to his team and they started forward, Shiro leading with Pidge and Hunk in step behind him and Keith and Lance walking together at the end of their procession, cautiously watching their backs. 

The crowd pulled closer, the air shifting as everything grew less suffocatingly formal. People reached out to grab them, reporters demanding attention, clamoring for interviews or shouting out questions and shoving microphones in their faces. Keith eventually snapped; he materialized his shield and darted between Lance and a couple aggressively insistent reporters after one person got a little too touchy. They stopped harassing the team so much after that, but the commotion still sent their battle-honed senses on edge. Shiro grimaced, looking at the long way they still had to walk to get to the Garrison.

_"TAKASHI!"_

If Shiro had thought the world had fallen silent the second he stepped onto Earth, he was wrong. Nothing could be so silent or still as this moment, right now. The only thing he could feel was his chest, rising and falling. His ears were ringing; everything was so, so still.

"TAKASHI!"

The yell was nearer, now, shoving through the chaos and barrelling towards him. Shiro distantly registered his team drawing tighter to him where he had abruptly stopped their, stances defensive.

A figure shoved through the jostling crowd, pushing past the Garrison officers that stepped in front of him. The figure was tall, with sandy, caramel hair and slightly darker skin, warm honeyed eyes and a blindingly bright smile that was nowhere to be seen. 

Shiro saw Keith's stance relax as he saw the person, pulling back from Shiro and gesturing to the confused team to do the same, giving him space.

"Takashi..." the voice trailed off as their eyes met for the first time in years.

Everything came crashing in, the sound, the chaos, the flashing lights and yelling people, the crowds swirling around them. 

Shiro had just returned from a war after being announced dead for years, bearing hideous scars, one less arm, white hair, PTSD, and mental baggage heavy enough to sink the Earth itself. All the horrible, horrible things about him that had been swirling through his head for the past ten sleepless hours were shoved to the forefront of his mind, a painful reminder that _he_ would never want him back.

His eyes stung, his throat constricted and his stomach heaved, the world tilting around him. A word fell past his lips, one he only said in dreams anymore, barely a breath. "Adam."

Adam sprinted towards him, crashing into his chest and throwing his arms around Shiro's neck. He wrapped his arm tightly against Adam, catching him and holding him tight.

"Kashi, Takashi, it's you," Adam sobbed into his shoulder, his entire body trembling. "Kashi, I can't believe it, you're okay, you're alive, you're safe."

Shiro felt his eyes water and pressed his face into Adam's hair. "I'm here now," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I missed you so much, Adam. So, so, much."

Adam tightened his hold around Shiro. "I missed you too, Kashi, so fucking much. I'm never letting you go again, I'm so sorry I did that. I love you so, so, so much."

"No, don't apologize, it's not your fault. You were probably right," Shiro said, giving him a watery chuckle. "I'm never leaving you again, don't worry."

They stood, holding each other for an eternity, the world continuing to shift around them as they embraced. They only let go at Keith's gentle insistence that they keep on moving. The two clung tightly to each other as they made their way back to the Garrison, finally reunited.

The stars had finally released their hold on Shiro, they had let him return to the love of his life. He thanked every one of them as they held each other tightly under their glittering, gleaming heavens, vowing to never let go again.

**Author's Note:**

> yikes. anyways. I'm supposed to be writing my wip fic but I got distracted and did this shit instead. I'm on tumblr as [@caallum](https://caallum.tumblr.com/), feel free to come scream about canon gay shiro with me


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